When we were kids — three Greek girls with immigrant parents who thought “Good morning” was pronounced “Good morring”
— life was already a circus.

Add in our *aunts* and you had something between a sitcom, a Bollywood melodrama, and a BBC documentary on endangered species.
### Aunt Yiota: The Fish & “Piss” Lady Aunt Yiota ran a fish and chip shop. She also ran the English language into the ground. Her vocabulary was so limited, Shakespeare turned in his grave every time she opened her mouth. She once proudly announced to a customer: “
Today special: mushy *piss*.” Yes. She meant peas. No one corrected her. Because, honestly, nothing said “authentic immigrant dining experience” like a side of golden chips, fried cod, and steaming hot **piss**.
Bon appétit. Her customer service was world-class too. She’d bark across the counter: “Thank you. Fack you. Come again.” And people *did* come again, because nothing makes fried food taste better than accidental verbal abuse.

### Aunt Androulla: Bollywood & Buffets Then there was Aunt Androulla. Imagine a small planet. Now give it a floral dress and an obsession with Bollywood soundtracks.

That was her. She’d sit in front of the TV, watching Shah Rukh Khan dance in slow motion, salivating like a St Bernard. But she wasn’t drooling over him. Oh no. She was fantasizing about the buffet at the wedding scene. You could hear her stomach growling like a thunderstorm in Thessaloniki. Honestly, NASA could have tracked it.

### Aunt Ellie: The Elegant Stinker Aunt Ellie was the opposite. She spoke perfect English — accent and all — because she grew up in the UK. She’d sip her tea with her pinky raised, saying things like, “Oh darling, the weather is rather splendid today.” But personal hygiene? Forget it. Let’s just say if octopus and squid had been bottled by Dior, they would have smelled like heaven compared to Aunt Ellie after a summer’s day. Walking past her waslike being tear-gassed by Poseidon. And the acne. Oh, the acne. It was so bad we were given strict family orders: “Do NOT kiss Aunt Ellie. You’ll be infected.” We obeyed. Until my older sister, aged seven, looked her straight in the eye and announced: “We’re not allowed to kiss you because we’ll catch it.” Aunt Ellie stood there with her mouth wide open for at least three minutes. Honestly, you could have parked a Lada in there.

### Aunt Toulla: The Greek Hyacinth Then came Aunt Toulla, the Greek answer to Hyacinth Bucket — except even Hyacinth would have told her to calm down. She was the goddess of food preservation. She believed leftovers lasted not days, not weeks — but eras. Egyptians had mummies. She had moussaka in Tupperware. Guests would be served dishes that had been “resting” in her fridge since the previous Olympics. She’d smile proudly and declare: “Eat! It’s good! Preserved! Like Cleopatra!”